masquerade
Monday, March 03, 2008
cassMANdra :) 4:47 PM 」


VOICE OF TRUTH
Rumours become the truth if the person caught in it does not speak up.
Rumours become the fact if everyone else refuses to listen to the truth.
Rumours become the harshest reality if all around you accept the hearsay.
Rumours become the sharpest intangible weapon man can have.
Rumours become the deadliest, most fatal double-edged sword that turns white and black into grey.
Rumours become the worse reputation that anyone can have.
Rumours are rumours because they are never the truth and will never be...

As many are genuinely surprised that I am a relief teacher, so am I. Suddenly, I am thrown back into those days where I bully kids.; perhaps now I have a bit more freedom to do what I want. Kids, nowadays, are more spoilt and pampered. It is really a hair-pulling job if you decide to come into this profession even for a short stint. You have been warned. If you ever think I am havoc, the kids are worse. There is one class that has like 5 Lisa's, 3 Daniel and Khalis/K-Lub combine and a few May's.

Well, I went in to go back to what I loved the most -- the prefectorial Board. I think it is really God's calling and timing that He placed me in there for a reason. I came to know about this chaos that has erupted amongst students and prefects, mainly the sec 4's. It is about some boy that realised he was 2 timed and is sobbing vehemently about his pain. Boy, grow up la. I know it sucks to be ditched and cheated but life still goes on. However, being terribly stuck in this atrocious mess, he decides to launch this ULTRA plan that will cause the girl to crumble, but of course the Board has to go along with her. I gave him a nick name -- hurricane katrina boy. He acts and cries literally in front of all the audience he can garner and describe in full detail his sad love story ( like as if hurricane katrina came and swept away all his belongings and kin ). Miss Lin, I am making good use of my lit. skills! Be proud! This boy, called B, tells everyone that she has been sleeping with boys and quotes a guy's name that she has been with. Apparently, unknown to him, I've known that guy for 6 LONG years and I know none of that sort happened. B said he had evidence. BRAVO! Show it to me! The entire proceedings will take me the whole duration that you take to watch da chang jin. I have been trying to encouraging the girl (G) to stand up and speak up against the lies of B. But she says since no one believes her, why try. She says why not just let it die down. By doing so, it requires less effort, but it is a unspoken declaration that what they are saying is the truth, when it is not....

It's not about me lamenting about how madly insane this boy is, although he really is, it's about my frustration. I tell the sec 4's that the only way that B's plan will not hurt the prefects is for us to stand together and not sway like long grass in the wind. Why do they not understand? I feel that my efforts are futile. It hurts me deeply so. I cannot bear to see the prefectorial board crumble with its reputation going down the slippery slope. Embrace yourself, Cassandra, this war is not over. Can I really hang in there? I came in as a relief teacher to make a difference. It smacks me right in the face, the blunt truth, that I have made no change. The intense feeling of being inadequate to do anything, of not being alert, of not being there for them, of not doing enough, of not making an effort to know them and help solve their problems, makes me want to throw in the towel. I tell the prefects not to quit, to pitch in and help me. They tell me they give up. Hey, you people out there, have you ever thought how I would feel? I am not bionic woman.

Mr Koh CS gave me some advice -- challenge myself and give in my best. No point trying too hard and end up being hurt. I have to learn to let go. The thing is can I let go? The leader that I am today, is all from the Board. The courage that makes me declare that GM is the best school in the world is from the Board. What I need now is someone to believe in what I am saying.

Other brighter matters...I went back to INNOVA! Man, I could not believe the number of j3's that I met. Aman and Hakim were back for hockey. Kessler and Jolyon were back for badminton. Wei Xing and Yi Sheng were back for basketball. Bank was back for tennis. Jian Xiong was back to see Mr Koh. Ameerul and a few more botak ns boys were back to watch the soccer match. Amaluna and I went back to watch the soccer match ( IJ versus AJ), the basketball match (RJ vsersus IJ) and catch up with the teachers. =] Mr Wong offered me a job in the PE office -- be a PE teacher. With all that is happening, I really want to quit my current one and run to iNNOVA. At least the kids there are more sensible, mature and I can make a difference there ( to the teacher's workload). We manage to see the pictures of Mr Koh's second son, Max Koh. SUPER CUTE! His first son, Wayne, was attempting to kiss his younger brother. We chat about my A level results and my future... What lies ahead remains unknown to me till this friday...


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